Je T'aime Paris

           Paris is on my mind. Paris is in my heart.

Not everyone knows this, and some are tired of hearing about it, but a long, long time ago in a land far, far away: I lived in France... just outside of Paris. I moved there in August of 2001... not even a full month before the attacks on 9/11. That day I was riding the bus home with the youngest boy I was taking care of, and a mother from his school started desperately trying to communicate to me what had happened (knowing that I was American). I hadn't started French classes yet and she didn't speak English (or Spanish~~the only foreign language I DID know at the time), so I got off the bus thinking her son had flown to New York on a big plane to see the Twin Towers. How wrong I was....

I arrived home to chaos in my 1/2 French, 1/2 American host household.... I learned the truth, and tried to comprehend the devastation. I tell you this because the following day held a moment of such complete and overwhelming solidarity, that I was brought to my knees:

An exact 24 hours after the towers fell, ALL of Paris stopped, and every church bell chimed. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. All for us. We may believe that the French unequivocally can't stand us, but I tell you it's a facade. (Most of the time ;) ). 






It was beautiful... It was humbling.




And now I ask that we all take a moment of our time to show the same respect. I can't ask that we all stop together, but I can ask that you stop now. Stop to hope or pray. Or not pray. Or wish, or blow a dandelion, or whatever you do when you want to send your love. Send your love to Paris, and wish for a swift and strong recovery.


            Hope for peace for families of loved ones lost.
                   How about just hope for peace.  

Take a moment to stop and think about 
your loved ones. Call them maybe? Hug them if they are near. Know that life is precious, it is fleeting, and it is a gift.

               I am Love *Toni

I can doooooo it!!

I sit here and contemplate why we all doubt ourselves. Haven't we all proven time and again that we are strong? That although the world and its participants may try to keep us from living up to our full potential, we have continued to thrive... to stand tall... to persevere? Then why the self-doubt before a big leap? Humility will only get us so far. Confidence is key. Where to find it though....

I was unsuccessful at pulling the sword of course, but the picture was worth it ;)

So where DO I begin to find this elusive concept we call confidence? If you know me, it would appear that I oooooooze it, but that's FAKE people ;) (I belong in Hollywood) ~~ I'm talking about the real deal...the solid to the core, nothing can shake me, unstoppable force that is 

SELF-CONFIDENCE.

I *think* it starts from having faith that the compliments people pay you aren't just lip service. That you have surrounded yourself by people that genuinely care about you and your mental well-being. That your day to day affairs aren't in vain ~~~ you're fulfilling your warm-fuzzy side of life and keeping the happy/healthy heart meter good and full.... Then you take a peek inside. That's where the real work starts.

I know from personal experience that having done the aforementioned surrounding yourself with caring people is hard enough, but now it's time to care about ourselves..... to not ACTUALLY worry about what those lovies are thinking...  It matters what YOU (*me as I talk to myself) think about your decisions. Right? No matter how many people tell us that something is a good idea, it isn't until we BELIEVE those words that we take action.

Give this a listen...

Why all the waxing philosophic? Because I'm trying to take that leap of faith. I have been floating around in the real world, waiting tables for 17 years (soon to be 18--siiiigh), and have finally decided to take care of MY dreams. I moved to Oregon for a number of reasons, but the razon numero uno was that I was UNHAPPY.....And I knew that somehow wine would make it all better ;) (that seems like a DUH statement in itself, but it wasn't just the drinking it). It was LEARNING about it, TRYING new varietals, TALKING with like-minded people ABOUT this love that was going to make me happy. And it's finally time I stop chasing the dream and start making it a reality. 

But how do I know that I'm not just full of myself? How do I gain that tiny extra bump of self-belief to do more than hang my toes off the edge???

I read a book (fantastic read BTW: $100 Startup)...I asked family...  I asked my friends... I asked acquaintances... I asked my dog... They all said I'd be crazy not to pursue this avenue. *My dog figures anything that gets her more time with me must be a great idea*

.....so why is it still so hard? In a time and society where most kids are so full of themselves they don't bother with common courtesies, how is it that I (who have been a generous and contributing member of society for longer than they've been ALIVE) want to tiptoe around asking people to pay for my expertise. 


THERE it is. Money is stressful for most of us. Money is not easily won.... most of you reading this don't look forward to your next shift at work, or couldn't wait to retire. And here I come wanting you to give me some of that hard-earned money for me to have FUN. (?!?) This isn't just your average direct-sales company with a sure-thing product if you find the right audience. This is ME asking YOU to give me money because I think I know more about something than you do and I want to prove (to whom, I don't know) that I can teach you about it in a way that is fun for ALL of us. Weeeeeiiiiiiird. 

          But it sounds like a great idea for ME doesn't it?



I don't even think I've answered my initial question(s)..... where do we get this confidence, how do we use it, how do we KEEP it? But maybe I'll get a few more comments or shares (**bumps in confidence**) and that in itself will get me that much closer to my dream. So how about it people? How about we be kind to one another; help a friend find their passion; stop questioning our own passions, and make this world a better more fulfilling place to be a part of? 

I'm still in the baby stages here, but I promise to keep you all updated. Until then....

I am love. *Toni